I knew it was coming, it's taken a while, but it has finally happened. My first year abroad "why am I doing this I must be crazy oh my god" meltdown has occurred.
Yesterday, I had my first travaux dirigé, in Droit des Obligations. Two hours before said tutorial, I was alternating between staring at a blank word document and a question sheet which I did not - do not - understand.
In the tutorial, my tutor seemed to speak really quietly and at about 500mph, all at the same time. I didn't understand a word, which really worries me because this year, for the first time since I left college, I have January exams to worry about and if things keep going at this pace, I'll be moving backwards, not forwards. And to top it off, there was a girl with the same name as me in the class, and everytime he said her/my name I was like, "please be talking to her, please don't talk to me". It's something I'm absolutely going to have to get over, and soon.
Anyway, the sum of it all was that I have never left a class quite so traumatised in my life. And that's not (much) of an exaggeration.
Don't get me wrong. Three of my five subjects are going fine. I might not be completely understanding what I am being told, but I am understanding enough, and I'm getting better. Excellent.
Unfortunately, Obligations (and Droit des Affaires, in case you're wondering) do not fall in that category. Nuhuh, no siree. I understand *nothing*.
Hence yesterday's little meltdown and all the self doubt it's dredged up. Still, I can't afford to wallow, that would be completely counter productive, so there's only one thing for it - I'm going to have to relisten to all the lectures again until I pick up what I've missed (thank goodness my parents had the wisdom to buy me a dictaphone last year)
It's disenheartening, but the year is still young and I never expected to waltz in here and understand everything.
On the plus side, my 21st birthday is in nine days time (I'm going home for it, woo!) and my mum gave me some money to spend on myself as an early birthday present, so to cheer myself up after yesterday's disaster, I popped over to the Champs-Élysées to buy myself a new dress to wear out for my birthday and to pick up some good ol' British comfort food in Marks and Spencer :)
Study problems aside, I have been making sure to go out and enjoy myself as well. Earlier this month, me and two other QM girls headed over towards the Louvre on Nuit Blanche to watch the fireworks put on by whoever it was to design the fireworks for the opening ceremony at the Beijing Olympics, which was pretty cool to see.
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Paris at night is so pretty. We walked right down beside the river, which you can get so close to, not like the Thames in London, although that's probably because it's tidal, and the Seine is much much calmer than that.
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And it helped that half of Paris was also out for Nuit Blanche, so there was a buzzing atmosphere. I would have liked to have gone and seen some of the other all night stuff they had going on for it, but I'd managed to catch a horrendous cold and I felt pretty hideous, so I retreated for the safety of my bed!
This weekend, I'm going out to celebrate my 21st with a few people. We're going to eat first, at La Bar A Huitres, in Montparnasse (which looks absolutely wicked. They have a fish bar outside which makes me want to eat there every time I pass) and then we're going out, back to Bastille, where we were a few weeks ago, so that should be good :)
I'm still planning to go visit (amongst many other places) the Catacombs, but something has come up every time I've tried so far! Me and my flatmate are also planning a trip in December (I'm all for Strasbourg, but she votes Lille) to a Christmas market :) - if anyone knows anything about either of those places, please comment. I'd love to hear a few opinions!
On which note, I'll sign off. 'til next time -
Vicky xx
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